Who do You Trust? Trust Issues and How They Form

Trust is like respect; you don’t owe it to anybody until you’ve earned it. It takes far longer to build than it does to break and repair it once it’s broken. We are flawed creatures that don’t always use our best judgment. This can often include putting too much trust in the wrong people and, once we learn the error of our ways, putting a wall around ourselves that keeps even the best people out. I am no different. In fact, I am a perfect example of this, which is why I chose to talk to you about it today.

During my younger, more impressionable days, I blindly trusted anyone who gave me the time of day. Given my socially awkward background caused by my physical differences from others, I incorrectly thought this was the only way to keep and maintain friends.

Some of you who follow my content may know this already, but for the benefit of those who don’t, I spent a lot of unnecessary time and–I shudder to say this now–money to maintain friendships that really weren’t worth it in the long run. As easy as it would be to put the blame on others for my failures and trust issues, I prefer to leave it where it belongs, squarely on my shoulders.

I won’t name any names for the same reason I don’t want to place blame on anyone; we all make mistakes, and not everyone deserves to be publicly outed for every mistake they make. What I will say is I allowed my lack of self-esteem and not knowing my worth–some of you may recall I touched on this in a previous post–to cause me to place trust and love (sometimes romantic, but not always) in people that only wanted one thing from me, which in most cases came from my wallet. I know my worth now, but sometimes I wonder if the damage has already been done psychologically.

After so many bad experiences with people, I find it hard to trust anyone anymore. I can’t help but think about the women who cheated on me or used me for money or the friends who took advantage of my kindness in whatever way they could. The constant feeling of having to look over my shoulder as a result has caused some failed relationships, strained friendships, and even some family tension (mostly with me being the tense one). But has the damage been done? Yes, but I don’t believe it is irreparable yet. As you may have guessed, sharing myself with you is a way to begin repairing the damage. As has been the case all my life, the things my mouth won’t say, my written words just might.

I leave you with this, dear reader, who has the patience to make it through one of the longest posts I’ve written on this blog: Your worth is in your heart, not your wallet. The right people with love what you bring to the table, not just what you can provide for them. As cliche as it sounds, I will close with a paraphrasing of something I have come to live by. You must earn a seat at my table, for I am no longer afraid to eat alone.