Feeling Alone? How to Adjust to the “New Normal”

Covid 19 changed not only the way we look at public health but also the way we look at social interaction. Humans are social creatures. We need to interact to survive and thrive. The newest health crisis has turned everything we know about medical safety as it relates to social interaction on its head. Before 2020, we didn’t think about transmitting a potentially deadly virus by simply being close to one another. Now, in the early stages of 2023, many have forgotten what the world was like before the pandemic, and the younger generations may never know. But the pandemic forcing us to a “safe” distance is only part of the real issue. The real problem is something that has been present since long before the pandemic, and the restrictions only served to exacerbate the effects on society as it is now.

You don’t need to take my word for it to know that social media has come a long way since February 2004. It has become the primary mode of communication and, in the case of people like myself, promotion as well. Since Facebook’s inception in 2004, people have used it as a tool to keep up with classmates and distant friends and family. Social media as a whole has closed many gaps between us over the years. At the same time, however, it has created many of its own divisions.

Whether or not you include social media, technology has changed how we live our daily lives. Our phones are more innovative; we can order from our favorite restaurants, shop online with free delivery, and chat with our friends and family all from our phones. When you put that together with a global pandemic, our lives are forever changed. What doesn’t change, however, is human nature.

Global pandemic and technology aside, it is a basic human instinct to want to socialize and interact closely with our fellow man (yes, even we introverts have to admit it is something we can’t go without altogether). It has been tough for those who remember what it was like to socialize before the pandemic to reach out and touch someone without fear of potentially deadly disease. I can’t speak for all, but some of us have spent a lot of time looking for a substitute, of which there is none. As much as I hate to admit it, that search for something to replace the friendly interactions I took for granted years before covid has caused many uncharacteristic things to happen.

Loneliness can cause someone to do things that are out of character. Between the loneliness and changes in how society works, someone could easily find themselves acting out of character and even experiencing full-fledged changes in personality after some time. Crude as this analogy may be, I liken it to being what some consider “institutionalized” as it pertains to personal routines. The disconnect from being distanced from our peers in the interest of safety becomes second nature, and you can easily forget what it is like to be close to people. In extreme cases, you can even begin to fear such interactions.

Though I am working towards moving back in the other direction, I feel I have reached the threshold of almost fearing social interactions. In addition to doing most of my writing in relative solitude, I also work remotely in my everyday job. When I was first given the option of doing this, I was ecstatic. I don’t drive, so cutting out the need for travel to and from work did wonders to lessen the burden I felt I placed on my family and friends, and not having to worry about how I was getting home after work allowed me to work longer hours when given the opportunity. As I enter my third year of remote work, however, I am beginning to feel the effects of isolation. Feeling trapped in my house and isolated from the friends I still have has caused me to venture down a path I never thought possible, and it almost cost me on many occasions.

Having been isolated from most people for the better three years now, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in a relationship. The pandemic essentially ended my last relationship. If you ask the majority of people who knew us as a couple, it wasn’t much of a relationship, to begin with. Though it isn’t her fault, I haven’t felt very worthy of a relationship since that one ended, and it caused me to go about my interactions with people with a mindset I didn’t know I was capable of, and I don’t like it one bit.

Having been hurt more times than I care to admit in relationships, I will admit to building a self-imposed wall around my heart. Though the pandemic and the social distance that resulted were not direct causes, they certainly didn’t make the situation better. It wasn’t long before I began to “phone it in,” as some people say. I would talk to someone with no intention of meeting in person. I would go through the motions in a conversation and anticipate the exact moment it would turn into a money situation. That’s all most of them wanted, after all. But the more I share with you and learn about myself and who I’ve become, the more I realize it isn’t me. I’ve always been a caring, affectionate, and friendly person. The more I write, the more I realize social media has taken over my life and desensitized me to regular human interaction. That said, the portion of my posts usually dedicated to advising readers is instead a word of caution.

The truth of the matter is the “new normal” is a state of mind. The longer the pandemic has dragged on, the more people have grown tired of the restrictions it has placed upon them. I was never a fan. But I thought I could handle the social distance. I’m a writer and a gamer; after all, we do this all the time, I thought. The truth is, it’s not natural. My advice to you is to get out there. Be safe about it, of course; wear your mask if you need to, but don’t allow the fear of getting sick to plunge you into a depth such as the one I recently climbed out of. I don’t wish the depression and loneliness I’ve felt on anyone. But maybe my experience can once again help someone and inspire someone to crawl out of the depths of despair. If I can accomplish that, as I’ve said many times, all this is worth it.